The Love of a Church Family is Not a Cliche.
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the hornof my salvation, my stronghold. -Psalm 18:2
For those of you who do not know my grandpa or “papa” as my sister and I call him has been ill for a while. Ever since my nanny, his wife passed away he began to slowly go down hill, and then we found out that he had a mild case of Alzheimer’s disease. With his new found illness came random bursts of anger, so after a few months of dealing with the havoc his bats of angers caused, a lot of prayer and debate, and seeing that he needed supervision 24/7 he was moved to a nursing home, a hospital, then to another nursing home, the hospital, back to his nursing home, a hospital, and finally to a rehabilitation center where he passed away Friday afternoon around 2:00. By the last time he was put into the hospital he was bed ridden, he no longer had the energy to walk around or to eat himself so he was given a feeding tube. As you can see he had been suffering for quite a while. My papa was not a couch potato by any definition. He was constantly outside, playing with his animals, driving around, or his all time favorite mowing the grass. So being restricted to a bed in a stale aired hospital with machines was not how my grandpa would want to spend his time. So his passing away was more of a blessing then a tragedy in the eyes of those that knew him best. My papa was a good man who spent his life serving the country, playing baseball, working for Ford, and spending time with his family. He lived a long and happy life, though we will all miss him we know he is happy now not to mention with all of his loved ones that preceded him to Heaven. Unlike any of the other deaths of family members that I’ve been through for this one I am older and I wasn’t blind sided by my grandpa’s death he was suffering and slowly fading, a few weeks ago I began to prepare and ready my self for the moment when this would happen. So as I began to pray to God and ask him to prepare my heart he began to carry my sadness and my worrying and began to give me a strong shoulder for my family. So as I sit back and watch all of the things going on around me I am amazed by the love and consideration of others. Within just a couple of hours of my papa passing away my parents’ cell phone, my facebook, and my cell phone were flooded with calls and messages and these calls and messages have continued through the weekend. If you attend a church you constantly here “the church is a family” of “the members of the church should look out and care for one another” but often times we take this for granted or think maybe for some people but I really don’t think I’m “known” enough or I’m not “active” enough for people to care for me, but when a situation strikes you will be amazed. I cannot thank those who have been there for my family enough. The calls, messages, prayers, and food have helped tremendously. My family and I are so incredibly blessed with such amazing and caring friends and family both relative and religiously speaking.
long time no blog..
Hello All : ) It has been FOREVER since I’ve blogged and I miss it. It helps me put my feelings into words and to express my emotions so I think I will start again today.
“Jesus Take the Wheel”
Psalm 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you.
“Let God lead your life.” “God’s will for you may go against your plan.” These are saying that we here daily. Easy to say but often times hard to follow. Ever since I was literally a little girl 3 or 4 I’ve wanted to be a nurse. There were no questions, no doubts, and nothing sounded better. As I got a little older 14, 15, 16 I was set on going to UTK wooooo baby GO VOLS! But last year it began to hit me.. if i were to move to Knoxville then I would have to find a new church. NO WAY. I have been apart of Lifepoint FBC Smyrna since I was little, I love the church with all my heart and I look forward to serving the middle schoolers every week not to mention the bonds I’ve made. So I thought ok God I know you want me to stay closer so that I can continue to serve you at my church, so I’ll just go somewhere close to home to study nursing. But lately I have been thinking a lot about my future and nursing is a career with little to no flexibility. By that I mean if I took a year off before college to do missions it is going to be hard to get into a nursing program, if I take a year or two off after school it will be nearly impossible to find a job.. I’m not saying I’m not going to be a nurse but I’m not saying I am either. I’m beginning to see that God does things in his own time, his own way, and with his own will. After spending just the short time I did in Brasil I know that God is going to use me for things like that, I just had a certain at home peacefulness when I was there. I honestly don’t feel like this is just a mood or a phase I am in, God showed me things this past week that I never knew existed, he gave me the oppurtunity to love like I have never loved, and gave me a passion I didn’t know I had. I don’t know what God has for me in my future but I am trusting in him and this is one time I am not going to worry or stress I am setting this in God’s hands.
John 14:1-3
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.Romans 12:1-2
“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.”Psalm 32:8-10
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you.”Do not be like the horse or the mule,
which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you.Many are the woes of the wicked,
but the LORD’s unfailing love
surrounds the man who trusts in him.”
just feelings..
last night my parents wanted to take me out to eat after i got home i went but when i got there i felt sick. i started thinking how the kids i left back in Brasil barely have anything to eat and here i am eating out at a restaurant. my mom just keeps asking me if i am sick because i don’t look like myself and i told her it was because of all the things i saw and all the things that i am feeling. it is not really fair to me how i got to come home to a loving family with plenty of food and clothes and i had to leave those sweet little kids behind. it makes me feel guilty for eating or having more then what i need but more than that i wish i could be with those kids because even if i can’t feed them all of give them all shoes i could give them what is most important and that is love. i could hug on them and tell them that God is going to take care of them and he is never going to leave them. yesterday my mom said the most you can do now is pray but i told my mom that wasn’t enough. i’m not saying prayer doesn’t work miracles or help because it does. prayer is a very powerful thing. but it is just really hard for me to just pray and nothing else. i have literally been praying every few minutes but i just want to back in Brasil with the kids and the brokenness because when i am there i feel like i am being productive. i am actually impacting someones life and bringing them a new sense of hope with God and showing them that real love does exist. last night i said i was not going to go to school this morning because i would be “too tired” the real reason however was that i didn’t want to be stuck in a classroom with people that have no idea what went on the last ten days. since i don’t go to school with anyone i go to church with except sara at school it just seems like i am misunderstood. i don’t think people understand who i am or the things that i love or want to do. last night i went to bed at 6:30 hoping to rest for a little while. but i constantly dreamed of Brasil. i dreamed of the favelas, i dreamed of praying for Jaqulyn, and i dreamed of being held up by people who didn’t like what i was doing. i woke up this morning at 8 and then again at 9 so i finally got up and i was talking to sara and she said school sucks because everyone is complaining about this and that and it just amazes her that she saw true brokenness this last week and everyone back here is still the same as they were. i think that i am about to go get ready and go to school. i don’t want to, i would much rather be back in Brasil but God has blessed me with the opportunity to and i am going to take it.
(that was misleading i ended up not going to school, it was too late and i would have been counted absent.)
i left my heart 5,000 miles away…
wow. wow. wow. wow.
i just got home not too long ago from literally the MOST amazing week of my life. my life has changed drastically these last ten days, and i will never be the same person that i was. i have a greater apprecation for what i have especially my family, i have passion that i cannot even put into words, and i have a deep unexplainable love for Brasil and all of it’s people. right now i am extremely overwhelmed and really can’t even take it in that i am home. i will probablly be this way for a few days if not weeks. so i am just going to start writing and we’ll see how this ends up. being in Brasil i saw a mess of things that broke my heart, it is unexplainable and unimaginable what i saw. i loved everyone i met both adults and children but i am going to speak of two people right now. on monday (pretty sure it was monday) we went to gleba bi which is a favella that i had hear a lot about, everyone said it was their favorite and the kids there were so loving. so i was super super excited to go. a little bit after we got there a couple of us got the oppurtunity to go “visting” with Pete. this was really cool because some people actually invited us into their home (favella) and asked us to pray over them and their family. one lady inparticular stood out to me, as we stood outside her door talking (pete was translating) she began to tell us that about a year ago her father who lives in northern Brasil got sick and her family called her and said if you don’t come now it will be too late but she didn’t have enough money to go, she began to cry as she said that to her, her father would always be the man who raised her sitting in his chair, and that she knew he would always be with her. she then began to say how her grandchildren leaved in northern Brasil also and she didn’t get to see them and she longs so deeply for him, that alone broke my heart but she followed all of that up by saying “i don’t need anything but God, God will always provide, i don’t even have to eat God will take care of me”. that tore me up and the minute she shut her door i began to cry. it is crazy that someone 5,000 miles away living in a handbuilt shack that is smaller than most our bathrooms has more faith then many Americans who live in a professionally brick laid house with loving families that live right down the street. shortly after leaving the woman’s house there was a little girl walking down the street and to me she looked sad, sad compared to how the other kids looked when they saw us, the other kids would run up and smile and jump on you but the beautiful little girl just stood there until i said Oi! and pete walked over to her and i gave her a hug and pete talked to her for a minute in portugese after we walked away pete began to tell me her story, as every word came from his mouth my heart would break more and more. he said that about 10 months ago her step-dad came in one night and bashed her head in for the simple fact that she was not his kid. pete said that she was traumatized for weeks but everytime he would see her he would hug her and pray over her. he also told how her mother was an alcoholic and a prostitute and that her mother was pressuring to become one too. when i heard this i started to bawl. later on back at amo when we were having reflection time i told the group about her and afterwards Jared showed me a picture of a little girl named Jaqulyn and said is that the girl that you were talking about, and ironically it was. as soon as i saw the picture i realized that Jaqulyn was the girl Jared always talked about that he met last year. after i thought for a moment it broke my heart even more to know that nothing changed from last year from what Pete had told me. from monday night on i prayed for Jaqulyn. for some reason God put her in my heart more than anyone else, i was constantly thinking of her and praying over her. wednesday we went back to gleba bi for the second and last time. after church i was outside and i saw Jaqulyn i gave her a hug and just held her for a few minutes. then she walked away for a little while but when she came back she ran to me and i just sat there holding her and a few minutes later David annoucned that we had about 25 minutes before we left so as i held Jaqulyn i began to pray to God and beg him to protect her and as i prayed silently Jaqulyn began to cry, as i set there holding this poor girl who was broken inside and scared my heart was torn i began to sob and all of a sudden she looked up at me and said “i love you” which made me cry even harder. i don’t know why she ran back to me that night or why God put her in my heart but i know that i am going to do anything and everything i can possibly do to help her while i am back in america. when we got ready to leave she wouldn’t let go of me, she was crying hard and i was to the point that i cried so much i couldn’t breathe. in fact i remember telling sara “i can’t do this sara i can’t do this, you have to make her let go” but Jaqulyn just kept holding on and walked me all the way to the bus. the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do was let her go and get on the bus. my heart is torn into pieces over Jaqulyn and i have been in constant prayer over her since i left gleba bi that night. i translated to her that she was very beautiful and that God was going to take care of her and when she was scared all she had to was pray to God and he would help her. i hope she never forgets what i told her, i don’t know exactly how i am going to help her yet but God will show me and until then i hope that you will pray for her. pray that her mom will wake up to what she is doing and pray that Jaqulyn will start attending church regularly and begin to desire something more. and most of all pray that God will keep his hand on her and protect that beautiful broken little girl.
my testimony for brazil..
I was fortunately blessed to be raised in a Christian home. My parents took me to church every Sunday and Wednesday and encouraged me to attend Sunday school and small group even on the days I was too tired or just didn’t feel like it. Therefore I had always known God and that I should always try and do the right thing. But, when I was in the seventh grade I felt God talking to me for the very first time. At first I wondered what was going on, one minute I was completely fine and the next my heart was pounding, I was sweating, and I felt as though someone or something had came over me. But as the feeling continued I began to realize that it was God talking to me, and telling me to surrender my life to him. So I stood up and went out into the hallway with my small group leader and she led me through the process of giving my heart to God. I was baptized the following week, from that moment my life was different. I knew in my heart I was no longer living for me but for God. So from that point on I always tried to do the right thing, but I never really went out of my way to show people that I was a Christian or to proclaim my faith by serving God.
A few months after I was baptized my youth minister came to me one Sunday morning and asked if there was any way I could help out in the pre-k room because they were low on help. So not wanting to let him down I said yes. I really enjoyed helping in class that day with the kids, and decided it was something that I wanted to do permanently, but I was extremely shy and that became something that held me back for quiet awhile. I wouldn’t go out of my way to talk to other students my age, which resulted in me having little to no friends at church, which then resulted in me looking at teaching in pre-k as just something to do to get me out of youth so I wouldn’t have to go outside my comfort zone and talk to kids my age. But as the months passed along with the help and encouragement of my youth minister God began to change me. He began to show me who I was inside and that I shouldn’t be afraid to be myself or to meet new people. So as that change began to take place in me I slowly began to step up as a leader in the pre-k class, and began to blossom into an outgoing girl who was ready and willing to do whatever I could for the glory of God.
In addition to God giving me a new leadership role as a seventh grade Sunday school teacher. This past winter at a retreat I felt that God was calling me to be in the mission field, however I did not know what that meant for me; I had no idea where to start or how I felt about it. But as the year went on and I continued to pray about it God gave me understanding and peace and this summer at church camp God reassured me that missions is indeed what he has intended me to do. I was sitting in the auditorium at camp listening to the speaker; he was speaking about following God’s plans not your own, right after this the band played a song that said “We must go; live to feed the hungry, stand beside the broken; we must go.” At that moment I knew that God was speaking to me and as scared as I was to do so he wanted me to serve in other countries, shortly after returning home David and Chris began talking about the youth mission trip to Brazil and I knew that God was calling me to go with them. Needless to say I can’t express to you how excited and happy I am to finally be here in Brazil telling you about my personal experience with the Lord. I have prayed daily not only for myself and the group of people that are here with me today that God would do amazing things through us and that are lives would be forever changed, but for you as well that we would impact your life and that you would take all of the things we have to offer and in turn use it to glorify God.
it is almost time..
wow. i totally can’t believe that there are only thirty something days left until i leave for brazil. and honestly it really did not hit me how big of a deal this was until this past wednesday at a meeting we had for all of the people going, yes i knew somewhere in the back of my mind that there were risks and dangers i just never really took the time to sit and think about them, partly because i know that God will take care of me and partly because i have to convince myself it will all be ok so i can then reassure my mom that God is in control, because if you have ever met my mom you know she is a huge worrier. which in essence isn’t really a bad thing, she cares and loves me, but sometimes i just think she needs some reassurance. and all of the plane crashes in new your lately? what the heck? its crazy, there has seriously been two in less than two months of each other and it just so happens that we’re flying to new york and then to brazil which also gives off an uneasy feeling but like i said before i know in my heart that God will watch over me and all of the people that are going. up until the other day i had never really set down and typed or wrote out my testimony, which was really good for me i think because it reminded me of some of the most amazing times i’ve had with God but it also reminded me that i don’t share my testimony with people like i should. so i’m going to post it as a seperate blog entry just so people can see 
unfortunate realization..
ok so in the past few days i have realized just how easy i have it. all the time i find myself wanting this or that, complaining about how i don’t have any money, or how “unfair” things are. but when i step back and look at the big picture i realize just how easy i have it, i have both my parents not only still living, but living under the same roof. i have friends that i can count on, i have an amazing church that supports and encourages me, i have a family who loves and cares for me unconditionally, not to mention the “material” things that i have, such as a car, clothes, a room, a bed, etc.. it just blows my mind how often i take things for granted like this morning i woke up and walked to the bathroom, no big deal right? then i walked into the kitchen opened the refrigerator and got a drink, still nothing too big right? well what if i didn’t have any arms? what about no legs? then what? all the things that i do a hundred times a day and think nothing about, some people will never get to experience. so how can i, a fully developed and fully functional seventeen year old with more privileges than i can count have a smaller appreciation and less faith than a man that was born with no arms and legs?
my dad forwarded that email to me yesterday and i was just blown away that a man with such a disadvantage has the faith and the determination to do so many great things. he is truly a living reminder that God lives inside each and everyone of us and that God can give us the strength to do anything! today in sunday school i asked me seventh graders if they felt comfortable to, to write down on a post-it that only i would see something that they struggled with, something that they needed God help in order to overcome and this week i would find them a verse that dealt strictly with that, so that when they begin to be tempted or start to struggle that could look to their verse for support. after they had all left the room i sat down and began to read their post-its while some of them were petty teenager things such as gossiping, a lot of them were much more difficult things, i set their with tears welling in my eyes not only at their struggles but the struggles of the majority of the people i’m surrounded by daily as well. i just sat for a second and thought about how you have absolutely no clue what the people around you are struggling with, that girl that you pass in the hall who dresses funny, the new transfer student, the point guard of the basketball team, your teacher, the girls at your lunch table, the kid who sits alone in the back of your chem class so many time we look at someone and sum them up in a few words but if we had any idea what was lying under their surface we’d have a whole other idea about them. by saying this the things that seem so difficult like getting up at 6am when your alarm rings or writing that paper for english are microscopic compared to the struggles of most of the people that you cross paths with daily. so next time you and i go to complain about something trivial like a bad hair day or “busy work” at school remember nick who has no limbs. and the next time we go to sum up or think we know someone remember we have no idea what is going on under their surface.
that is nick’s website incase you need a little inspiration : )
i slipped..
i bragged too soon, i said how i’d been doing good for three days well yesterday sadly i didn’t do my quiet time :/ but i’m not going to make a habit of that, promise! school starts back tomorrow, its kinda’ crazy how i’m one semester away from my senior year of high school, and i can still honestly remember what i wore on the first day of freshman year. but its also exciting to see what God has in store for me in terms of college and what not, i’m so confused about it one day i want to go here and the next day i want to go there. but one thing God has let me know already is that as much i used to want to got to knoxville that i should probably stick around here. which is good because i love being involved in the church, and i really enjoy teaching on sunday mornings and if i were to move i just don’t think it would be the same as fbc so now the question is where? i know what i want to do, i want to be an rn, but i would also love to go to a christian college so i could study religion as well. but like i said its going to be exciting to see how God plans and plays all of this out with me : ) but any way back to the first day tomorrow, i’ve decided recently that yes i live my life like a christian and try my best to be a good example for the middle schoolers at church i also need to strive to be an example for the other high schoolers at church and at school too, so i’m going to work on that and try to make my christianity more known than it is now.
so far so good..
okso yeaaaaah its only the third day of the year but so far i’ve kept to my only new years resolution, getting closer to God. i said i would regulate my quiet time and actually make it a little more structured then it was so i’m doing a “thirty days through the psalms”, and a like a thirty day run through of Jesus’ life, as well as a devotional : ] it is helping me alot, like just randomly through the day something will happen and i’ll remember what i read the night before, and i’ve also found myself praying and praising alot more. so hopefully i can keep this up :] ohhh! girls night last night, it was really fun. i hadn’t hung out with some of these girls in awhile, we had a blast. we uhh made a music video, and i know you’re just dying to see it so here ya go:
